by

8e

-The air is crisp, like fresh spring leaves.

-Do you know the time in Zurich?

-It is you! no one believed you would survive.

-We have little time, you must get these microfiche of the sub plans to Moscow

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37 Responses to “”

  1. Denis Says:

    “I see it all in your eyes.
    You’re lost. Did someone throw you out?
    Come to me, I won’t bite.
    We’ll share the cold, the hunger and the pain…”

    Arguably even more brutal than the rol-translation D:

  2. Fellow Traveller Says:

    ZOMFG best lolcat ever

  3. Harold Says:

    The Russian translation’s actually pretty awesome this time around. A double-edged funny!

  4. Throbert McGee Says:

    The only minor change I would make to Denis’s translation is to take a little artistic license with the second line, in order to make it rhyme with “pain” in the fourth line. For example:

    “You’re lost — thrown out in the rain”

    Or:

    “You’re lost, as though flushed down the drain”

    Or change both the second and fourth lines:

    “You’re lost — they treated you like dirt…
    We’ll share the hunger, cold, and hurt.”

  5. Throbert McGee Says:

    I’m not trying to pick on Denis’s translations, by the way; for me, it’s just a fun challenge trying to convey the awful poetry of the originals in English!

  6. Throbert McGee Says:

    And to riff on the “spy passcodes” theme of the fake translation, I’m reminded of an exchange from the movie “Top Secret” (by the makers of “Airplane!”).

    FEMALE SPY: “Who do you favor in the Virginia Slims tournament?”
    MALE SPY: “In women’s tennis, I always root against the heterosexual.”

  7. Throbert McGee Says:

    The last line of this poem reminds me of a proverb that Ann Landers and Dear Abby were fond of printing in their newspaper columns:

    “A problem shared is but half a trouble.”

    In fact, the Russian word for “to share” (“razdelit”) makes this point more clearly than the English word, because the Russian etymology quite clearly suggests “to divide up.” The word for the arithmetic process we call division, as in 12 ÷ 3 = 4, is even related: “razdelenie”.

    In other words, the poem’s message is not that the cat and dog will have hunger, cold, and pain IN COMMON, — but that the hunger, cold, and pain will be seemingly CUT IN HALF by sharing them.

  8. SouthernBelle Says:

    Thanks Throbert! You make this site even more awesome!

  9. Throbert McGee Says:

    Thanks, SouthernBelle — I’m just glad for an opportunity to put a major in Russian to some truly worthwhile use!

  10. Harold Says:

    We, ugly Americans, sure do love to laugh – so long as its @ others’ expense. Someone hx0rz this site already. Lame.

  11. asdf Says:

    hilarious

  12. Harold Says:

    I am the Harold who loves Doogie Howser, M.D.!

  13. Throbert McGee Says:

    Okay, here’s my totally vomit-raising final draft of the translation — all ready to go in a Hallmark card, and with apologies to Donna Summer:

    “I see the story in your eyes, my dear —
    Someone left your cake out in the rain!
    But come with me, and put aside your fear;
    Together, we’ll get through the cold and pain.”

  14. Baboomska McGeesk Says:

    Why on earth do we need the literal translations?

    I prefer my rolcats WITHOUT footnotes, thank you. Don’t shatter my illusions. The cats are saying exactly what rolcats says they are saying.

  15. Stormdancer Says:

    THANK you, translator gurus!

    The subtleties of language are so intriguing – I’d rather see an elegant, poetic translation, combined with a little explanation about what subtleties are missing.

  16. GW Says:

    I really enjoy reading the true translations, in all their nuances. This site is great fun if you can accept them as tongue in cheek, plus you can learn a little something. 😉

  17. Harold Says:

    Ай мейк джоук. Бля какой я умный!

  18. Fluent Says:

    I don’t find this site funny, but I will not rest until I’ve convinced the fine authors of this site to completely change their style of humour! What Kind of pathetic being does such things?

  19. bubbles Says:

    The Harold kind, methinks.

  20. unh sss unh sss unh sss Says:

    everyone who posts their thoughts here is lame except me.

  21. Flo Mudshark Says:

    I think Harold and Throbert should get their own tv show!

  22. Denis Says:

    Good idea Throbert… I took a stab at rewriting also:


    Through your eyes, to me the story’s clear.
    So lost. Thrown out in the rain?
    Come with me -I promise I’ll be fair.
    We’ll split the cold, the hunger and the pain…

  23. boredatheist Says:

    CLEAR DOES NOT RHYME WITH FAIR YOU DUMB RUSSIAN L2TRANSLATE

  24. Michal Says:

    I almost wish these comments were moderated as they tend to be either interedting and informed or depressingly stupid.

    Anyway, you could swap fair for near and that would also make sense.

  25. Denis Says:

    oblique (or slant): a rhyme with an imperfect match in sound. (green, fiend; one, thumb)

    (wiki) 🙂

  26. thing Says:

    Best one yet!

  27. bubbles Says:

    This is so much better than actual english Lolcats. Both the actual translations and the mistranslations!

  28. Throbert McGee Says:

    @Denis:

  29. Harold Says:

    I’m the Harold that cries himself to sleep after abusing the one thing I love, Яolcats.

  30. 'merican Says:

    the russian translations aren’t funny

  31. mr. guy Says:

    Moar, moar, MOAR!!!!!

  32. Harold Says:

    I’m Harold, and I love American Idol.

  33. Harold Says:

    I’m Harold and I’m a depressed robot

  34. NAT Says:

    I am so glad that some of you were kind enough to give the actual translation…it was so poignant…now I am here sad, but what a beautiful thought, to share troubles so they are half as heavy.
    Bw-wahhhhh! I hate that any animal does not have a home or know it is worthy of love.

  35. pete from pawleys Says:

    perhaps appreciation is a function of age and experience. I took my first date to see Dr Zhivago in ’65/66? i would enjoy rolcats even more if i understood more russky

  36. dOlC3_St3Ll4 Says:

    http://kotomatrix.ru/show/153018

    Throbert McGee and Denis,
    Thank you both for your beautiful translation of my poem, and especially you,Throbert McGee ,for your fantastic explanation. It’ GREAT!

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