Author Archive

February 17, 2009


Lie back and think of summers in Kiev, o cloudless sky.

Our edifices are firm but gentle lovers!

You shall not want for steel…

February 15, 2009


Your inactivity is criminal, porcine gastropod…

Go back to Oklahoma!

February 11, 2009


Alarm!! Don your masks or you will dance the sarin jig this night!!!

February 9, 2009


I have bested my brethren this day!!!

It is I who will inflict happiness and joy upon countless children in the Moscow Circus!

February 6, 2009


Have strength, my little cabbage. By the mercy of NKVD Order No. 00447, we have been chosen for Resettlement.

We will show the tin mines of Kolyma the true power of the proletariat.

February 4, 2009


Aaaaah… Pig iron, your musk is that of glorious industry …

February 2, 2009


These consumables are contraband, comrade – your passage to the gulag is paid for in L’eggs Body Beautiful Smoothers Shaping Hosiery!

January 30, 2009


Do not despair, Laika! Comrade Khrushchev honors you!

Our love was but a dalliance!

Your ascent to the cosmos will strike terror into the West!

January 29, 2009


Your floral offering serves as no deterrent to the inevitable, betrayer.

You will now join me in oblivion.

January 29, 2009


Cease your rescue attempts!

Harvest my connective tissues so that the Motherland may restock her glue reserves…

January 28, 2009


Where re-education has failed my comrade, the hangman’s noose will succeed…

January 28, 2009


You punch like a Georgian!

January 28, 2009


Do you mistake us for sincere?

We adorn ourselves thus to mock the capitalist sacrament of annual materials exchange…

January 28, 2009


We are American humans swimming in water suitable for drinking!

January 28, 2009


Paned windows are prohibited in this sector, comrade Sergei.
Will you kindly report to the Lubyanka, or will you force me to violence?…

January 28, 2009


My iodine rations are depleted!

Come nightfall I will leave Pripyat forever and make for the verdant hills of Dnipropetrovsk!

January 27, 2009


Bask in your Western accoutrement, Romanov harlot…

I prepare your final resting place, as your overfed corpse will make a fine fertilizer for my potato crops

January 27, 2009


State-run media is best for everyone!

January 27, 2009


Make haste for the village granary, Sasha!

Our block captain watches closely…

January 27, 2009

My living quarters are comprised of the bone meal of the bourgeois!